It was from my ex-boyfriend in Damascus.

When the editor of Artikel14 magazine contacted me to write an article about love, I got excited and afraid at the same time. Excited, because LOVE is always my hot topic as I believe that all that human beings need is love, but it seems that we need more this.
No inspiration to write about the theme of Artikel14. At midnight, in my bed and my mobile phone in my hand, checking up my social media. I was about to grab the glass of water on the bedside table a WhatsApp message popped on my mobile phone.

09 May 2016, 3 minutes after midnight:
x: I miss you. If you know how much I loved you, you will never think to leave me.

This message shocked me and took the sleeping away, I did not know how to reply, but after 40 minutes I did.

Me: I did not leave you; I left my homeland.
x: I am your homeland, no it is a joke 😀
x: you know? Let’s play a game, let’s talk like I am your homeland, Syria, and I will ask you some questions, and you should answer.
Me: I liked the idea, but I have a condition.
x: Tell me.
Me: I ask you too, and you should answer as Syria. You are still in Syria, Damascus, and you should know the answers to my following questions.
x: Deal.
x: Why did you leave me?
Me: Big question, but I will answer.
I was wanted to join the Syrian Army.
x: Why not, you had to defend on me.
Me: They did not want me to defend on you; they wanted me to kill your sons and daughters, your children.
x: But they are dying every day, I lose every day until today.
Me: I am not the killer, or at least I don’t see the scene of death.
x: You are so hard.
Me: I am afraid.
x: Do you miss me?
Me: So much.
x: What do you miss?
Me: I miss your mornings, the sun on my face when I am still in bed, the smell of the Syrian coffee coming from all windows, balconies, and my mother’s kitchen of course.
x: What else?
Me: When I throw the basket from the window to the shopkeeper of the vegetables, I was putting a paper inside the basket, it is written on the paper all that I need for the day.
Tomatoes from Daraa, Melon from Reef Dimashq, Okra from Deer Ezzor and grapes from Sowaydaa.
x: You look hungry, you are talking about coffee and food, only.
Me: No, I am not hungry, but I don’t feel satisfied.
x: Good to hear that you are not hungry, because my sons here are hungry, especially who are under siege.
I miss you too.
Me: What do you miss in me?
x: Also in the morning, when you wake up and turn the music (Fairouz is a Lebanese singer All Syrian listen to her music in the mornings – her voice is a sign to start the day for Syrians), and you go to work, and start your morning show on the radio and say GOOD MORNING SYRIA on the radio.
I miss your good job her. Do you know? I stopped listening to the radio after you left.
It is not about you; the radio became not for music; it became a mean to mourns the people.
Only sad or bad news, the radio became a platform for the politicians to lie.
Me: stop, stop, don’t tell me this, I already know it.
x: I know, but I wanted you to read it.
Me: I doubt that you love me.
x: If I don’t, why am I texting you?
Me: because you are feeling alone?
x: And what’s about you?

Me: I am still in love with you.
x: I know.
Me: You are very confident.
x: I am. I was your partner, and I know how you think.
Me: Sorry, you are breaking the rules of the game, it is supposed that you are writing as my homeland, not as my ex.
x: I don’t break the rules. I am your ex country; you are starting a new relationship with a different country, isn’t the truth?


x: What are you telling your new partner about me?
Me: about your love. I know that nobody loved me like you.
x: Sorry, you are breaking the rules now.
Me: no.
x: excuse me, homelands can not talk, how did you know how much I loved you? As a country 😉
Me: since I left you and I lack love.
x: 😦

me: Goodnight.
(last seen of my ex 09 May 02:45 am)

On the 14 May 19:17 pm.
me: Hey my homeland, could I publish our conversation?
x: You’ll never change, Journalist effffff
me: hahhahaha
x: An Article or program?
Me: Article.
x: What will you name the article? I am curious to know.
Me: Lack of Love.
x: 😦
me: :((((((((

Khaled Alesmael

Published in Artikel14 magazine in Spring 2016.

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